FROM THE ADULT CHILDREN EDUCATIONAL FOUNDATION COMPUTER BULLETIN BOARD - (703) 821-2925 2

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FROM THE ADULT CHILDREN EDUCATIONAL FOUNDATION COMPUTER BULLETIN BOARD - (703) 821-2925 2 VERSIONS OF "WHAT IS CO-DEPENDENCY?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT IS CO-DEPENDENCY? 1. My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you. 2. My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you. 3. Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain. 4. My mental attention is focused on pleasing you. 5. My mental attention is focused on protecting you. 6. My mental attention is focused on manipulating you. (To do it my way). 7. My self esteem is bolstered by solving your problems. 8. My self esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain. 9. My own hobbies and interests are put aside. My time is spent sharing your interests and hobbies. 10. Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me. 11. Your behavior is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me. 12. I am not aware of how I feel, I am aware of how you feel. 13. I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want. I am not aware - I assume. 14. The dreams I have for my future are linked to you. 15. My fear of rejection determines what I say or do. 16. My fear of your anger determines what I say or do. 17. I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship. 18. My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you. 19. I put my values aside in order to connect with you. 20. I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own. 21. The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours. WHAT IS CO-DEPENDENCY?* 1. My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you. 2. My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval by you; your struggles affect my serenity. 3. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain. 4. My mental attention is focused on pleasing you. 5. My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to "do it my way." 6. My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain. 7. My own hobbies and interests are put aside. My time is spent sharing your interests and hobbies. 8. Your clothing and personal appearance is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me. 9. Your behavior is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me. 10. I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel, I am not aware of what I want; I ask what you want. If I am not aware, I assume. 11. The dreams I have for my future are linked to you. 12. My fear of rejection determines what I say and do. 13. My fear of your anger determines what I say and do. 14. I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship. 15. My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you. 16. I put my values aside in order to connect with you. 17. I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own. 18. The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours. (*ACOA - Seattle, Washington) END OF FILE

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