The Great Hatching of the Mysterious Unknown Force The following is a selection from the S

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The Great Hatching of the Mysterious Unknown Force The following is a selection from the Sacred Scrolls of the Gnostic Church of the Mysterious Unknown Force, compiled by His Holiness, Chief Profit George Schlepper the First: In the beginning there was Nothing. Lots and lots of it. Still is, in fact.and there with lots of Nothing in between, whereas once all the Something was gathered together in one place surrounded on all sides by lots and lots of Nothing. Don't ask me how it got there; only the Mysterious Unknown Force knows for sure, and he's not telling. He's not doing much of anything else these days either, which is probably for the best. He's gotten a bit rusty at mucking about with Reality, and would probably only make one big Cosmic Mess. Some people say he already has. Anyway, that big glob of Something at the centre of the Nothing was egg-shaped, and for very good reason; it was, in fact, an egg. Scientists tell us this was the Cosmic Egg, but we at the Gnostic Church of the Mysterious Unknown Force know better. The Something was all gathered inside the shell of a giant Silly Putty Egg, the biggest one that's ever been. We'll call it the Primordial Silly Putty Egg, because I kind of like the sound of that and I'm the Chief Profit and you're not. Well, this Primordial Silly Putty Egg was just sitting there, surrounded by lots and lots of Nothing, waiting for the moment we at the G.C.O.T.M.U.F. call the Great Hatching. Now, nobody knows exactly when this happened. Even if the aforementioned M.U.F. was in the mood to tell, I have it on good authority that his watch was on the fritz, so we'll just say that it was a long time ago, when Ronald Reagan was still a very young man. (I know, such magnitudes boggle the mind, but pretty soon we'll be getting on to more comprehensible things.) If you're going to make a Universe, you've got to break an Egg, and that's exactly what the Mysterious Unknown Force did, scattering bits of Silly Putty throughout the Nothing to become the stars, planets, and little tiny Silly Putty Eggs we all know and love. Everything you see and touch is made of nothing but Silly Putty cleverly disguised. (Yes, I know that the existence of a Primordial Silly Putty Egg implies the existence of a Primordial Newspaper with a Primordial Comics Section from which the entire Universe was originally imprinted, but that's really too deep for beginners, so I won't comment on it here, except to say that the Peanuts were a lot funnier in those days.) This revelation should make the Universe more comprehensible, even such strange things as psychic phenomena, deja vu, moons suddenly leaving orbit and Milli Vanilli, which result when the Silly Putty which forms the underlying structure of the Universe (which by the way is not just curved but shaped like a pretzel) stretches too far and either breaks or snaps back at you. (The preceding was a public service announcement of the Gnostic Church of the Mysterious Unkown Force) ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The preceding was copied into HOLYSMOKE as indicated (15128) Thu 23 Dec 93 9:22a By: David Worrell To: All Re: Silly Putty St: 15160> ------------------------------------------------------------ Area: Adult_Jokes_& Msg#: 1682 Date: 12-12-93 21:43 From: Dave Coble Read: Yes Replied: No To: Bill Eagle Mark: Save Subj: Force


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