HOW I FOUND GODDESS
WHAT I DID TO HER WHEN I FOUND HER
THE MAGNUM OPIATE OF MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER
WHEREIN IS EXPLAINED
ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING WORTH KNOWING
ABOUT ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING
You hold in your hands one of the Great Books of our century fnord.
Some Great Books are recognized at once with a fusilade of critical
huzzahs and gonfolons, like Joyce's "Ulysses". Others appear almost furtively
and are only discovered 50 years later, like "Moby Dick" or Mendel's great
essay on genetics. The "Principia Discordia"entered our space-time
continuum almost as unobstrusively as a cat-burgler creeping over a
In 1968, virtually nobody had heard of this wonderful book. In 1970,
hundreds of people from coast to coast were talking about it and asking the
identity of the mysterious author, Malaclypse the Younger. Rumors swept
across the continent, from New York to Los Angeles, from Seattle to St. Joe.
Malaclypse was actually Alan Watts, one heard. No, said another legend--
the Principia was actually a work of the Sufi Order. A third, very intriguing
myth held that Malaclypse was a pen name for Richard M. Nixon, who had
allegedly composed the "Pricipia" during a few moments of lucidity. I enjoyed
each of these yarns and did my part to help spread them. I was also careful
never to contradict the occasional rumors that I had actually written the
whole thing myself during an acid trip.
The legendary, the mystery, the cult grew slowly. By the mid-1970's,
thousands of people, some as far off as Hong Kong and Australia, were talking
about the "Principia", and since the original was out of print by then, xerox
copies were beginning to circulate here and there.
When the "Illuminatus" trilogy appeared in 1975, my co-author, Bob Shea,
and I both received hundreds of letters from people intrigued by the quotes
from the Principia with which we had decorated the heads of several chapters.
Many, who who had already heard of the "Principia" or seen copies, asked if
Shea and I had written it, or if we had copies available. Others wrote to ask
if it were real, or just something we had invented the way H.P.Lovecraft
invented the "Necronomican". We answered according to our moods, sometimes
telling the truth, sometimes spreading the most Godawful lies and myths
we could devise fnord.
Why not? We feel that this book was a true Classic (literatus immortalis)
and, since the alleged intelligentsia had not yet discovered it, the best way
to keep its legend alive was to encourage the mythology and the controversy
about it. Increasingly, people wrote to ask me if Timothy Leary had written
it, and I almost always told them he had, except on Fridays when I am more
whimsical, in which case I told them it had been transmitted by a canine
intelligence -- vast, cool and unsympathetic -- from the Dog star, Sirius.
Now, at last, the truth can be told.
Actually, the "Principia" is the work of a time-traveling anthropoligist
from the 23rd Century. He is currently passing among us as a computer
specialist, bon vivant and philosopher named Greg Hill. He has also translated
several volumes of Etruscan erotic poetry, under another pen-name, and in
the 18th Century was the mysterious Man in Black who gave Jefferson the
design for the Great Seal of the United States.
I have it on good authority that he is one of the most accomplished
time-travellers in the galaxy and has visited Earth many times in the
past, using such cover-identities as Zeno of Elias, Emperor Norton, Count
Cagliostro, Guilliame of Aquataine, etc. Whenever I question him about
this , he grows very evasive and attempts to persuade me that he is actually
just another 20th Century Earthman and that all my ideas about his
extraterrestrial and extratemporal origin are delusions. Hah! I am not that
easily deceived . After all, a time-travelling anthropologist would say just
that, so that he could observe us without his presense causing culture-shock.
I understand that he has consented to write an Afterword to this edition.
He'll probably contradict everything I've told you, but don't believe a word
he says fnord. He is a master of the deadpan put-on, the plausible satire, the
philosophical leg-pull and all branches of guerilla ontology.
For full benefit to the Head, this book should be read in conjunction
with "The Illuminoids" by Neal Wilgus( Sun Press, Albuquerque,New Mexico)
and "Zen without Zen Masters" by Camden Benares(And/Or Press, Berkeley,
California). "We are operating on many levels here", as Ken Kesey used to say.
In conclusion, there is no conclusion. Things will go on as they always
have, getting weirder all the time.
Hail Eris. All hail Discordia. Fnord?
Robert Anton Wilson
International Arms and Hashish Inc.
Darra Bazar, Kohat
THE MAGNUM OPIATE OF MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER
NOT JUNK MAIL
HOW I FOUND GODDESS
WHAT I DID TO HER WHEN I FOUND HER
WHEREIN IS EXPLAINED
ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING WORTH KNOWING
ABOUT ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING
A jug of wine,
A leg of lamb
Be Ye Not Lost Among Precepts Of Order. . .
THE BOOK OF UTERUS 1:5
Some excerpts from an Interview with Malaclypse
the Younger by THE GREATER METROPOLITAN YORBA LINDA
SAN FRANCISCO DISCORDIAN SOCIETY CABAL BULLETIN AND
INTERGALACTIC REPORT & POPE POOP
GREATER POOP: Are you really serious or what?
MAL-2: Sometimes I take humor seriously. Sometimes
I take seriousness humorously. Either way it
GP: Maybe you are just crazy.
M2: Indeed! But do not reject these teachings as
false because I am crazy. The reason that I
am crazy is because they are true.
GP: Is Eris true?
M2: Everything is true.
GP: Even false things?
M2: Even false things are true.
GP: How can that be?
M2: I don't know man, I didn't do it.
GP: Why do you deal with so many negatives?
M2: To dissolve them.
GP: Will you develop that point?
GP: Is there an essential meaning behind POEE
M2: There is a Zen story about a student who asked
a master to explain the meaning of Buddhism.
The Master's reply was "Three pounds of flax."
GP: Is that your answer to my question?
M2: No, of course not. That is just illustrative.
The answer to your question is FIVE TONS OF FLAX!
FOURTH EDITION ODD# II/2,xii;68Chs3136
HOW I FOUND GODDESS & WHAT I DID TO HER
WHEN I FOUND HER
being a Beginning Introduction to
The Erisian Mysterees
WHICH IS MOST INTERESTING
as Divinely Revealed to
My High Reverence MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, KSC
Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold
and HIGH PRIEST of
PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC (POEE)
HAIL ERIS --kallisti -- ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
Dedicated to the Prettiest One
The uproar of one hand clapping.
JOSHUA NORTON CABAL
Surrealists, Harlequinists, Absurdists and Zonked Artists Melee
is one manifestation of
THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
you will learn more
and understand less
are a tribe
of philosophers, theologians,
and similar maniacs
who are intrigued
GODDESS OF CONFUSION
3 The Sacred Chao(illustration)
4 Five Commandments(The Pentabarf)
5 Zen Story
6 Telegram to Jehova
7 Birth of The Erisian Movement
11 Battle Hymn of The Eristocracy
12 On Prayer
13 Heaven is down. . . .
14 Norton's Money
15 Eris - Greek Geneology
16 Law of Fives
17 Myth of The Apple of DIscord
19 Erisian Hymn
20 POEE Chart
21 POEE Symbol
23 Application Form
24 POEE Priests
26 Erisian Affirmation
27 Legionnaire Certificate
27 St. Gulik
28 How To Start A POEE Cabal Without
Messing Around With The Polyfather
29 Baptismal Rite
31 Mysteree Oath
32 The Discordian Society
33 The Golden Apple Corps
33 Numeral V Sign
35 Holy Names
36 POPE Cards
37 Parable of The Bitter Tea
38 Sermon on Ethics and Love
39 Apostles of Eris
41 How The Honest Book of Truth Was Revealed
42 Curse of Greyface
44 Cosmology (Book of Uterus)
46 Orders of Discordia
47 Entropy (Norman Weiner)
48 Zarathud's Enlightenment
49 The Sacred Chao (text)
52 Hodge/Podge Transformer
53 Brunswick Shrine
54 Starbuck's Pebbles
55 Eris during
I TELL YOU : ONE MUST
STILL HAVE CHAOS IN ONE
TO GIVE BIRTH TO A
DANCING STAR ! - Nietzsche
[picture of The Sacred Chao]
THE FIVE COMMANDENTS (THE PENTABARF)
The PENTABARF was discovered by the
hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth
Year of the Caterpillar. He found them
carved in gilded stone, while building
a sun deck for his cave, but their im-
port was lost for they were written in a mysterious
cypher. However, after 10 wks & 11 hrs of intensive
scrutity he discerned that the message could be read
by standing on his head and viewing it upside down.
KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH!
I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is
Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but
The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Mo-
vement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the
beloved home of a Golden Worm.
II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official
Discordian Document Numbering System.
III - A Discordian is Required during his early
Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously
of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Cere-
mony to Remonstrate against the popular Pagan-
isms of the Day : of Catholic Christiandom ( no
meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork),
of Hindic Peoples (no meat of beef), of Bud-
dhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians
(no Hot Dog Buns).
IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog
Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess
when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.
V. - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing
What he Reads.
IT IS SO WRITTEN ! SO BE IT, HAIL DISCORDIA!
PROSECUTORS WILL BE TRANSGRESSICUTED.
TEST QUESTION from TopangaCabal THE TWELVE
FAMOUS BUDDHA MINDS SCHOOL : If they are our
brothers, how come we can't eat then?
A ZEN STORY
by Camden Benares, The Count of Five
Headmaster, Camp Meeker Cabal
A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th
Century America confusing. He went to many people
seeking a way of resolving within himself the discords
that troubled him, but he remained troubled.
night in a coffee house, a self- ordained Zen Master
said to him, "Go to the dilapidated mansion you will
find at this address which I have written down for
you. Do not speak to those who live there; you must
remain silent until the moon rises tomorrow night.
Go to the large room on the right of the main hall-
way, sit in the lotus position on top of the rubble
in the northeast corner, face the corner, and med-
He did as the Zen Master instructed. His
meditation was frequently interrupted by worries.
He worried whether or not the rest of the plumbing
fixtures would fall from the second floor bathroom
to join the pipes and other trash he was sitting on.
He worried how would he know when the moon rose on
the next night. He worried about what the people who
walked through the room said about him.
and meditation were disturbed when, as if in a test
of his faith, ordure fell from the second floor onto
him. At that time two people walked into the room.
The first asked the second who the man sitting there
was. The second replied "Some say he is a holy man.
Others say he is a shithead."
Hearing this, the man was enlightened.
for deposit only[stamped on at bottom left of page]
[The following is printed on a WU telegram form with the form
at an angle of 80-85 degrees.]
TO: JEHOVA JAHWEH
CARE: CELESTIAL HOTEL (SUITE #666)
PRESIDENTIAL TIER, PARADISE
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR CURRENT POSITION AS DIETY
IS HEREWITH TERMINATED DUE TO GROSS INCOMPETENCE STOP
YOUR CHECK WILL BR MAILED STOP PLEASE DO NOT USE ME FOR
MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER/ OMNIBENEVOLENT POLYFATHER
POEE HIGH PRIEST
[In the upper center of the page is a sketch of the Apostle
Zarathud with the following message written upsidedown]
"YOUR RIGHT SON!...IT
WOULD BE A WASTE OF
YOUR KIND OF TALENT TO GO
INTO THE INSURANCE BUSINESS"
THE BIRTH OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT
[TOP OF PAGE IN SMALL PRINT]
10.The Earth quakes and the Heavens rattle;
the beasts of nature flock together and the
nations of men flock apart; volcanoes usher up
heat while elsewhere water becomes ice and
melts; and then on other days it just rains.
11. Indeed do many things come to pass.
HBT; The Book of Predications,Chap.19
Just prior to the decadew of the nineteen-sixties.
when Sputnik was alone and new, and about the time
that Ken Kesey took his first acid trip as a medical
volunteer; before underground newspapers, Vietnam,
and talk of a second American Revolution; in the com-
parative quiet of the late nineteen-fifties, just
before the idea of RENAISSANCE became relevant....
Two young Californians, known later as Omar
Ravenhurst and Malaclypse the Younger, were indulging
in their habit of sipping coffee at an allnight bowl-
ing alley and generally solving the world's problems.
this particular evening the main subject of discussion
was discord and they were complaining to each other
of the personal confusion they felt in their respec-
tive lives. "Solve the problem of discord," said one,
"and all other problems will vanish." "Indeed,"said
the other, "chaos and strife are the root af all
FIRST I MUST SPRINKLE YOU
WITH FAIRY DUST
Suddenly the place became devoid of light.
Then an utter silence enveloped them, and a great
stillness was felt. Then came a blinding flash of
intense light, as though their very psyches had
gone nova. Then vision returned.
The two were dazed and neither moved or spoke
for several minutes. They looked around and saw that
the bowlers were frozen like statues in a variety of
comic positions, and that a bowling ball was stead-
fastly anchored to the floor only inches from the
pins that it had been sent to scatter. The two look-
ed at each other, totally unable to account for the
phenomenon. The condition was one of suspension, and
one noticed that the clock had stopped.
[IN VERY LARGE LETTERS AT BOTTOM OF PAGE]
New Story of Chaos
[IN UPPER RIGHT HAND CORNER OF PAGE]
no girdle ever cured
There walked into the room a chimpanzee, shaggy
and grey about the muzzle, yet upright to his full
five feet, and poised with natural majesty. He car-
ried a scroll and walked to the young men.
"Gentlemen," he said, "why does Pickering's Moon
go about in reverse orbit? Gentlemen, there are nip-
ples on your chests; do you give milk? And what, pray
tell, Gentlemen, is to be done about Heisenberg's Law?"
He paused. "SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL OF THIS CONFUSION
And with that he revealed his scroll. It was a
diagram, like a yin-yang with a pentagon on one side
and an apple on the other. And then he exploded and
the two lost consciousness.
ERIS - GODDESS OF CHAOS, DISCORD & CONFUSION
They awoke to the sound of pins clattering, and
found the bowlers engaged in their game and the wait-
ress busy with making coffee. It was apparant that
their experience had been private.
They discussed their strange encounter and recon-
structed from memory the chimpanzee's diagram. Over
the next five days they searched libraries to find the
significance of it, but were disappointed to uncover
only references to Taoism, the Korean flag, and Tech-
nocracy. It was not until they traced the Greek writ-
ing on the apple that they discovered the ancient God-
dess known to the Greeks as ERIS and to the Romans as
DISCORDIA.This was on the fifth night, and when they
slept that night each had a vivid dream of a splendid
woman whose eyes were as soft as feather and as deep
as eternity itself, and whose body was the spectacular
dance of atoms and universes. Pyrotechnics of pure
energy formed her flowing hair, and rainbows manifested
and dissolved as she spoke in a warm and gentle voice:
I have come to tell you that you are free. Many
ages ago, My consciousness left man, that he might
- 3 -
develop himself. I return to find this development
approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by
You have built for yourselves psychic suits of
armor, and clad in them, your vision is restricted,
your movements are clumsy and painful, your skin is
bruised, and your spirit is broiled in the sun.
I am chaos. I am the substance from which your
artists and scientists build rhythms. Iam the spirit
with which your children and clowns laugh in happy
anarchy.I am chaos.I am alive, and I tell you that
you are free.
During the next months they studied philosophies
and theologies, and learned that ERIS or DISCORDIA
was primarily feared by the ancients as being disrup-
tive. Indeed, the concept of chaos was still
considered equivilent to strife and treated as a neg-
ative. "No wonder things are all screwed up," they
concluded, "they have got it all backwards." They
found that the principle of disorder was every much
as significant as the principle of order.
With this in mind, they studied the strange yin-
yang. During a meditation one afternoon, a voice
came to them:
It is called THE SACRED CHAO. I appoint you
Keepers of It. Therein you will find anything you
like. Speak of Me as DISCORD, to show contrast to
the pentagon. Tell constricted mankind that there
are no rules, unless they choose to invent rules.
Keep close the words of Syadasti: 'TIS AN ILL WIND
THAT BLOWS NO MINDS. And remember that there is no
tyranny in the State of Confusion. For further in-
formation, consult your pineal gland.
[bottom of page,oriented from side to side]
& there are
of a trivial
of a great
00009-I HEAR MUSIC!
"What is this?" mumbled one to the other, "A
religion based on The Goddess of Confusion? It is
And with those words, each looked at the other in
absolute awe. Omar began to giggle. Mal began to
laugh. Omar began jumping up and down. Mal was hoot-
ing and hollering to beat all hell. And amid squeals
of mirth and with tears on their cheeks, each appoint-
ed the other to be high priest of his own madness, and
together they declared themselves to be a society of
Discordia, for what ever that may turn out to be.
[following on bot om half of page,every which way]
All Things are Perfect
To every last flaw
And bound in accord
With Eris's Law
(HBT; The Book of Advice I:7)
Monomoto, Famous Japanese, can swallow his nose
"Did you know that there is a million bucks
hidden in the house next door?"
"But there is no house next door."
"No? Then let's go build one!"
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL POLICE
THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE ERISTOCRACY
by Lord Omar
Mine brain has meditated on the spinning of the Chao;
It is hovering o'er the table where the Chiefs
of Staff are now
Gathered in discussion of the dropping of The Bomb;
Her Apple Corps is strong!
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Her Apple Corps is strong!
She was not invited to the party that they held
on Limbo Peak;*
So she threw a Golden Apple, 'sted of turn'd
O it cracked the Holy Punchbowl and it made
the nectar leak;
Her Apple Corps is strong!
* "Limbo Peak" refers to Old Limbo Peak, commonly
called by the Greeks "Ol' Limb' Peak."
"The tide is turning. . . the enemy is suffering
Terrible losses. . . . "
- Gen. Geo. A. Custer
[Along right side of page]
If a quixotic socrates studied Zen under Zorba. . . ?
Persons in a Position to Know, Inc.
Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he
often prayed to Eris. He replied with these words:
No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous.
Charles Fort has listed many factual incidences of
ignorant people confronted with , say, a drought, and
then praying fervently--and then getting the entire
village wiped out in a torrential flood.
"OF COURSE I'M CRAZY, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN
I'M WRONG. I'M MAD BUT NOT ILL"
Werewolf Bridge, Robert Anton Wilson
14.Wipe thine ass with What Is Written and
grin like a ninny at What Is Spoken. Take
thine refuge with thine wine in the Nothing
behind Everything, as you hurry along the Path.
THE PURPLE SAGE
HBT; The Book of Predications, Chap.19
Heaven is down. Hell is up.
This is proven by the fact
that the planets and stars
are orderly in their
while down on earth
we come close to the
There are four other
but I forget them.
--Josh the Dill
KING KONG KABEL
IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS*
*The meaning of this is Unknown
[Along right edge of page]
IT IS MY FIRM BELIEF THAT IS A MISTAKE TO HOLD FIRM BELIEFS
00013[Picture of eagle scratching its head]
[This page is a picture of a banknote put out by The Imperial
Government of Norton I in the 19th century in San Francisco.
Read more about Emperor Norton later on.]
The Classical Greeks
were not influenced
by the Classical
[Upper right hand corner of page in box
DO NOT CIRCULATE]
WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT ERIS (not much)
The Romans left a likeness of Her for posterity-- She
was shown as a grotesque woman with a pale and ghastly
look, Her eyes afire, Her garmant ripped and torn, and
as concealing a dagger in Her Bosom. Actually, most
women look pale and ghastly when concealing a chilly
dagger in their bosoms.
Her geneology as from the Greeks and is utterly con-
fused. Either She was the twin of Ares and the daugh-
ter of Zeus and Hera; or She was the daughter of Nyx,
goddess of night(who was either the daughter or wife
of Chaos, or both), and Nyx's brother,Erebus, and
whose brothers and sisters include Death,Doom,Mock-
ery, Misery, and Friendship. and that She begat For-
getfullness, Quarrels, Lies, and a bunch of gods and
goddesses like that.
One day Mal-2 consulted his Pineal Gland* and asked
Eris if She really created all of those terrible
things. She told him that She had always liked the
Old Greeks, but that they cannot be trusted with historic
matters. "They were," she added, " victims of
indigestion, you know."
Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious.
But She is mischievous, and does get a little bitchy at times.
*THE PINEAL GLAND is where each and every one of us
can talk to Eris. If you have trouble activating
your Pineal, then try the appendix which does almost
as well. Reference: DOGMA I, METEPHYSICS #3, "The
Indoctrine of the Pineal Gland."
DIRUIT AEDIFICAT MUTAT QUADRATA ROTUNDAS - Horace
THE LAW OF FIVES
The Law of Fives is one of the oldest
Erisian Mysterees. IT was first revealed
to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great
contributions to come from The Hidden
Temple of the Happy Jesus.
POEE subscribes to the law of Fives of
Omar's sect. And POEE also recognizes
the Holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by
Episkopos Dr. Mordicai Malignatius, KNS,
into his Discordian sect, The Ancient
Illuminated Seers of Bavaria.
The Law of Fives states simply that:
ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR ARE
DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES OF FIVE,
OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY 0R INDIRECTLY
APPROPRIATE TO 5.
The Law of Fives is never wrong.
In the Erisian Archives is an old memo
from Omar to Mal-2: "I find the Law of
Fives to be more and more manifest the
harder I look."
[Secret Service badge]
PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS DOCUMENT AS TOILET TISSUE
The Nagas of Upper Burma say that the
sun shines by day, because being a woman, it is
afraid to venture out at night.
"YOU WILL FIND THAT THE STATE is the kind of
ORGANIZATION which, though it does big things
badly, does small things badly too."
--John Kenneth Galbraith
THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD
It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet
for Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris
because of Her reputation as a trouble maker.*
*This is called THE DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUB
This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an
apple of pure gold** and inscribed upon it KALLISTI
("To The Prettiest One") and on the day of the fete
She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to
be alone and joyously partake of a hot dog bun.
**There is historic disagreement concerning whether
this apple was of metalic gold or acapulco.
Now, three of the invited goddesses, *** Athena,
Hera, and Aphrodite, each immediately claimed it to
belong to herself because of the inscription. And
they started fighting, and they started throwing punch
all over the place and everything.
***Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks
did not know of the Law of Fives.
Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that
an arbitrator must be selected, which was a reasonable
suggestion, and all agreed. He sent them to a sheperd
of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother had
had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but
each of the sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others
by going early and offering a bribe to Paris.
Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera
offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him The
Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Being a healthy young
Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's bribe
and she got the apple and he got screwed.
As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly
happenings so that Paris could have Helen (THE Helen)
then living with her husband Menelaus, King of Sparta.
Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed
whwn Sparta demanded their Queen back and that the
Trojan War is said to be the first War among men.
And so we suffer because of The Original Snub.
And so a Discordian is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.
Do you believe that?
Remember: KING KONG Died FOr Your Sins
HO CHI ZEN IS KING CONG
5. An Age of Confusion, or an Ancient Age, is
one in which History As We Know It begins to
unfold, in which Whatever Is Coming emerges in
Corporal Form, more or less, and such times are
Ages of Balanced Unbalance, or Unbalanced
6. An Age of Bureaucracy is an Imperial Age in
which Things Mature, in which Confusion becomes
entrenched and during which Balanced Balance,
or Stagnation, is attained.
7. An Age of Disorder or an an Aftermath is an
Apocalyptic Period of Transition back to Chaos
through the Screen of Oblivion into which the
Age passeth, finally. These are ages of Unbalanced
HBT; The Book of Uterus, Chap. 3
DO YOU REMEMBER?
Polite children will remember that a church is the
________ of _________.
An Erisian Hymn
by Rev. Dr. Munjojerry Grindlebone, KOB
Episkopos, THE RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS
Onward Christian Soldiers,
Onward Buddhists Priests.
Onward, Fruits of Islam,
Fight till youre deceased.
Fight your little battles,
Join in thickest fray;
For the Greater Glory,
Yah, yah, yah,
yah, yah, yah, yah,
Mr. Monomoto, famous Japanese who can swallow his nose,
has been exposed! It was recently revealed that it was
Mr. Monomoto's brother who has been doing all of this nose swallowing.
HEUTE DIE WELT
MORGENS DAS SONNENSYSTEM!
Abbey of the Barbarous Relic
OFFICIAL PROCLAMATION--ODD# III(b)/4,i;18Aft3135
POEE DISORGANIZATIONAL MATRIX
V) THE HOUSE OF THE APOSTLES OF ERIS
For the Eristocracy and the Cabalablia
A. The Five Apostles of Eris
B. The Golden Apple Corps (KSC)
C. Episkopos of the Discordian Society
D. POEE Cabal Priests
E. Saints, Avatars, and Like Personages
IV) THE HOUSE OF THE RISING PODGE
For the Disciples of Discordia
A. Office of my high Reverence, the Polyfather
B. Council of POEE Priests
C. THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD
D. Eristic Avatars
E. Aneristic Avatars
NOTE: A, B, and C are POEE PROPER; while D and E are POEE IMPROPER
III) THE HOUSE OF THE RISING HODGE
For the Bureaucracy
A. The Bureau of Erisian Archives
B. The Bureau of The POEE Epistolary, and The Division of Dogmas
C. The Bureau of Symbols, Emblems, Certificates and Such
D. The Bureau of Eristic Affairs, and
The Administry for The Unenlightened Eristic Horde
E. The Bureau of Aneristic Affairs, and
The Administry for The Orders of Discordia
II) THE HOUSE OF THE RISING COLLAPSE
For the Encouragement of Liberation of Freedom, and/or the
Discouragement of the Immanentizing of the Eschaton
A. The Breeze of Wisdom and/or The Wind of Insanity
B. The Breeze of Integrity and/or The Wind of Arrogance
C. The Breeze of Beauty and/or The Wind of Outrages
D. The Breeze of Love and/or The Wind of Bombast
E. The Breeze of Laughter and/or The Wind of B**ls**t
[Original is not censored]
I) THE OUT HOUSE
For what is left over
A. Miscellaneous Avatars
B. The Fifth Column
C. POEE =POPES= everywhere
D. Drawer "O" for OUT OF FILE
E. Lost Documents and Forgotten Truths
OFFICIAL - POEE
Head Temple, San Francisco
HOUSE OF THE RISING PODGE
Bureau of The POEE Epistolary
*THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS*
The official symbol of POEE is here illustrated [picture]. It
may be this, or any similar device to represent TWO
OPPOSING ARROWS CONVERGING INTO A COMMOM POINT. It
may be vertical, horizontal, or else such, and it may
be elaborated or simplified as desired.
The esoteric name for this symbol is THE FIVE FINGERED
HAND OF ERIS, commonly shortened to THE HAND.
NOTE: In the lore of western magic, the [picture of upturned horns]
is taken to symbolize horns, especially the horns
of Satan or of diabolical beasties. The Five
Fingered Hand of Eris, however, is not intended to
be taken as satanic, for the "horns" are supported
by another set, of inverted "horns." Or maybe it
is walrus tusks. I don't know what it is, to tell
"Surrealism aims at the
total transformation of the mind
and all that resembles it."
POEE (pronounced "POEE") is an acronym for The
PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC. The
first part can be taken to mean "equivalent diety,
reversing beyond-mystique." We are not really
esoteric, it's just that nobody pays much attention to us.
MY HIGH REVERENCE MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, AB, DD, KSC,
is the High Priest of POEE, and POEE is grounded in
his episkopotic revelations of The Goddess. He is
called THE OMNIBENEVOLENT POLYFATHER OF VIGINITY
The POEE HEAD TEMPLE is the Joshua Norton Cabal of
The Discordian Society, which is located in Mal-2's
pineal gland and can be found by temporaly and
spacialy locating the rest of Mal-2.
POEE has no treasury, no by-laws, no articles, no
guides save Mal-2's pineal gland, and has only one
scruple -- which Mal-2 keeps on his key chain.
POEE has not registered, incorporated, or otherwise
chartered with the State, and so the State does not
recognize POEE or POEE Ordinations, which is only
fair, because POEE does not recognize the State.
POEE has 5 DEGREES:
There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLE.
The LEGIONNAIRE DEACON, who is catching on.
An Ordained POEE PRIEST/PRIESTESS or a CHAPLAIN.
The HIGH PRIEST, the POLYFATHER.
And POEE =POPE=.
POEE LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLES are authorized to initiate
others as Discordian Society Legionnaires. PRIESTS
appoint their own DEACONS. The POLYFATHER ordains
priests. I don't know about the =POPES=.
"THIS BOOK IS A MIRROR, WHEN A MONKEY LOOKS IN,
NO APOSTLE LOOKS OUT." - LICHTENBERG
Application For Membership
In the Erisian Movement of the DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
1. Today's date Yesterday's date
2. Purpose of this application: --membership in: a. Legion of Dynamic
Discord b. POEE c. Bavarian Illuminati d. All of the Above
e. None of the above f. Other--be specific!
if temporary, also give an address from which mail can be forwarded
4. Description: Born:[ ]yes [ ]no Eyes[ ]2 [ ]other Height:
....fl. oz. Last time you had a haircut: Reason:
Race:[ ]horse [ ]human I.Q.:150-200 200-250 250-300 over 300
5. History: Education - highest grade completed 1 2 3 4 5 6 over 6th
Professional: On another ream of paper list every job since 1937
from which you have been fired. Medical: On a seperate sheet
labeled "confidential," list all major psychotic episodes experienced
within the last 24 hours
6. Sneaky questions to establish personality traits
I would rather a. live in an outhouse b. play in a rock group c. eat
caterpillers. I wear obscene tattoos because . . . . . . .
I have ceased raping little children [ ]yes [ ]no--reason . . .
7. SELF PORTRAIT
[upside down] SENDER WAITING Answer by wire
For Office Use Only- acc. rej. burned
[in box with dot in center] LICK HERE! (You may be one of the lucky 25)
POEE & IT'S PRIESTS
If you like Erisianism as it is presented according
to Mal-2, then you may wish to form your own POEE
CABAL as a POEE PRIEST and you can go do a bunch of
POEE Priestly Things. A "POEE Cabal" is exactly what
you think it is.
The High Priest makes no demands on his Priests,
though he does rather expect good will of them. The
Office of The Polyfather is to point, not to teach.
Once in a while, he even listens.
Should you find that your own revelations of The
Goddess become substantially different than the
revelations of Mal-2, then perhaps The Goddess has
plans for you as an Episkopos, and you might consider
creating your own sect from scratch, unhindered.
Episkoposes are not competing with each other, and
they are all POEE Priests anyway (as soon as I locate
them). The point is that Episkoposes are developing
separate paths to the Erisian mountain top. See the
section "Discordian Society."
ORDINATION AS A POEE PRIEST
There are no particular qualifications for Ordination
because if you want to be a POEE priest then you must
undoubtedly qualify. Who could possibly know better
than you whether or not you should be Ordained?
An ORDAINED POEE PRIEST or PRIESTESS is defined as
"one who holds an Ordination Certificate from The
Office of the Polyfather."
[in small print]
Seek into the Chao if thou wouldst be wise
And find ye delight in her Great Surprise!
Look into the Chao if thou wantest to know
What's in a Chao and why it ain't so!
(HBT; The Book of Advice, 1:1)
World Council of Churches Boutique
NOTE TO POEE PRIESTS:
The Polyfather wishes to remind all Erisians
the POEE was conceived not as a commercial
enterprise, and that you are requested to
keep your cool when seeking funds for POEE
Cabals or when spreading the POEE Word via
the market place.
[picture of man with Mickey Mouse ears looking through torn
HEY! WHERE'S DA PIXS?
The hidden stone ripens fast,
Then laid bare like a turnip
Can easily be cut out at last
But even then the danger isn't past.
That man lives lest who's fain
To live half mad, half sane.
-Flemish Poet Jan van
THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION
BEFORE THE GODDESS ERIS, I (name or holy name),
do herewith declare myself a POEE BROTHER of THE
LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD.
HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS
ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
The presiding POEE Official (if any) responds:
ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
To diverse gods
Do mortals bow,
Holy Cow, and
-Rev. Dr. Grindlebone
[in other corner]
"COMMON SENSE IS WHAT TELLS YOU THAT
THE WORLD IS FLAT."
FIND THE GODDESS ERIS
WITHIN YOUR PINEAL GLAND
[Top of Page-picture of your favorite insect]
This is ST. GULIK. He is the Messenger
of the Goddess. A different age
from ours called him Hermas.
Many people called him by
many names. He is a Roach.
[the rest of the page is a legionnaire certificate]
HOW TO START A POEE CABAL
WITHOUT MESSING AROUND WITH THE POLYFATHER
If you cannot find the Polyfather, or having found him,
don't want anything to do with him, you are still
authorized to form your own POEE CABAL an ddo Priestly
Things, using the Principia Discordia as a guide. Your
Official Rank will be POEE CHAPLAIN for the LEGION OF
DYNAMIC DISCORD, which is exactly the same as a POEE
PRIEST except that you don't have an Ordination
Certificate. The words you are now reading are your
HOW TO BECOME A POEE CHAPLAIN
1. Write the ERISIAN AFFIRMATION in five copies.
2. Sign and nose-print each copy
3. Send one to the President of the United States.
4. Send one to
The California State Bureau of Furniture
1021 'D' Street, Sacramento CA 94814
5. Nail one to a telephone pole. Hide one. And
burn the other.
Then consult your pineal gland.
WAS SGT. PEPPER'S
OLD POEE SLOGAN: [ censored version]
When in doubt, ###k it,
When not in doubt ... get in doubt!
=THE POEE BAPTISIMAL RITE=
This Mysteree Rite is not required for initiation,
but it is offered by many POEE Priests to proselytes
who desire a formal ceremony.
1) The Priest and four Brothers are arranged in a
pentagon with the Initiate in the center facing the
Priest. If possible, the Brothers on the immediate
right and left of the Priest should be Deacons. The
Initiate must be totally naked, to demonstrate that
he is truly a human being and not something else in
disguise like a cabbage or something.
2) All persons in the audience and the pentagon,
excepting the Priest, assume a squatting position
and return to a standing position. This is repeated
four more times. This dance is symbolic of the
humility of we Erisians.
3) The Priest begins:
I, (complete Holy Name, with Mystical Titles, and
degrees, designations, offices, etc.), Ordained
Priest of the Paratheo-anametamystikhood of Eris
Esoteric, with the Authority invested in me by the
High Priest of It, Office of the Polyfather, The
House of the Rising Podge, POEE Head Temple; Do
herewith Require of Ye:
1) ARE YE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CABBAGE OR
SOMETHING? The Initiate answers YES.
2) THAT'S TOO BAD. DO YE WISH TO BETTER THYSELF?
The Initiate answers YES.
3) HOW STUPID. ARE YOU WILLING TO BECOME PHILO-
SOPHICALLY ILLUMINIZED? He answers YES.
4) VERY FUNNY. WILL YE DEDICATE YESELF TO THE
HOLY ERISIAN MOVEMENT? The Initiate answers
[ON BOTTOM OF PAGE, NOT PART OF RITE]
RETURN TO RESTRICTED ROOM
DO NOT PASS "GO". DO NOT COLLECT $200
5) THEN SWEAR YE THE FOLLOWING AFTER ME:
(The Priest here leads the Initiate in a recital
of THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION.) The Priest continues:
THEN I DO HERE PROCLAIM YE POEE DISCIPLE (name),
LEGIONNAIRE OF THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD.
HAIL ERIS! HAIL ERIS! HAIL YES!
4) All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother
opens a large jug of wine and offers it to all who
5) The Ceremony generally degenerates.
MORD SAYS THAT OMAR
SAYS THAT WE ARE
ALL UNICORNS ANYWAY
DO NOT PULL ON YELLOW TIP
3. And though Omar did bid of the Collector of
Garbage, in words that were both sweet and bit-
ter, to surrender back the cigar box containing
the cards designated by the Angel as The Honest
Book of Truth, the Collector was to him as one
who might be smitten deaf, saying only: 'Gainst
the rules, y' know.
HBT; The Book of Explanations, Chap. 2
1. Harry Houdini
2. Swing music
4. 8 months
5. Testy Culbert
6. It protudes
7. No vocal cords.
THE POEE MYSTEREE OATH
The Initiate swears the following:
FLYING BABY S**T!!!!! [ORIGINAL NOT CENSORED]
G3400 50 DMTS 19
(Brothers of the Ancient Illuminated Seers of
Bavaria sect may wish to substitute the German:
WIECZNY KWIAT WTADZA!!!!!
which is Ewige Blumencraft in Polish.)
THE RECENT EXPOSE THAT
MR. MOMOMOTO, FAMOUS
JAPANESE WHO CAN SWALLOW
HIS NOSE, CANNOT SWALLOW
HIS NOSE BUT HIS BROTHER CAN,
HAS BEEN EXPOSED! IT IS
MR. MOMOMOTO WHO CAN
SWALLOW HIS NOSE. HE
SWALLOWED HIS BROTHER
IN THE SUMMER OF '44.
Corrections to last week's copy: Johnny Sample is
offensive cornerback for the New York Jets, not fullback
as stated. Bobby Tolan's name is not Randy, but mud. All
power to the people, and ban the %%%king bomb.[ORIGINAL NOT CENSORED]
"This statement is False"
(courtesy of POEE)
NO TWO EQUALS ARE THE SAME!
THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
The Discordian Society has no definition.
I sometimes think of it as a disorganization of Eris
Freaks. It has been called a guerrilla mind theatre.
Episkopos Randomfactor, Director of Purges of Our
People's Underworld Movement sect in Larchmont, prefers
"The World's Greatest Association of What-ever-it-is-
that-we-are." Lady Mal thinks of it as a RENAISSANCE
THINK TANK. Fang the Unwashed, WKC, won't say. You
can think of it any way you like.
AN EPISKOPOS OF THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
is one who prefers total autonomy, and creates his own
Discordian sect as the Goddess directs him. He speaks
for himself and for those that say that they like what
THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD
A Discordian Society Legionnaire is one who prefers not
to create his own sect.
If you want in on the Discordian Society
then declare yourself what you wish
do what you like
and tell us about it
if you prefer
There are no rules anywhere.
The Goddess Prevails.
have a one-man cabal
Some work together.
Some never do explain.
When I get to the bottom I go back to the top
of the slide where I stop and I turn and I go
for a ride, then I get to the bottom and I see
you again! Helter skelter!
"EVERYBODY I KNOW WHO IS RIGHT
ALWAYS AGREES WITH ME" - REV. Lady Mal
THE GOLDEN APPLE CORPS
The Golden Apple Corps* is an honorary position for
The Keepers of The Sacred Chao, so that thay can put
"KSC" after their names.
It says little,
*Not to be confused with The Apple Corps Ltd. of
those four singers. We thought of it first.
[picture of Zig-Zag Man giving the "numeral V sign"
and wearing "five fingered hand of Eris"]
THE NUMERAL V SIGN
Used by Old Roman Discordians, Illuminatus Churchill,
and innocent Hippies everywhere.
PERPETUAL DATE CONVERTER FROM GREGORIAN TO POEE CALENDAR
1) Chaos - Patron Apostle Hung Mung
2) Discord - Patron Apostle Dr. VAn Van Mojo
3) Confusion - Patron Apostle Sri Syadasti
4) Bureaucracy - Patron Apostle Zarathud
5) The Aftermath - Patron Apostle The Elder Malaclypse
DAYS OF THE WEEK*
5) Setting Orange
*The DAYS OF THE WEEK
are named from the five
Basic Elements: SWEET,
BOOM, PUNGENT, PRICKLE
A) APOSTLE HOLYDAYS
Each occurs on the 5th
day of the Season.
B) SEASON HOLYDAYS
Each occurs on the 50th
day of the Season.
C) ST. TIB'S DAY - occurs once every 4 years (1+4=5) and is
inserted between the 59th and 60th days of the Season
(1970 = 3136) [1988 = 3154]
SACRED DOCUMENT OF THE FROGS (old Erisian poem):
73 days hath
Chaos, Discord, Confusion, Bureaucracy and
[the rest of the page is a chart for converting Gregorian Dates
to Discordian Dates. Today's date is the day of Chaos, 3136]
Discordians have a tradition
of assuming HOLY NAMES.
This is not unique with
Erisianism, of course. I
suppose that Pope Paul is
the son of Mr. & Mrs. VI?
And also TITLES OF MYSTICAL
[picture of a monk saying "SO??"]
Will whoever stole Brother Reverand
Magoun's pornography please return it.
[A collage occupies 2/3 of the page;
then there is the famous Pope card, text following]
THE BEARER OF THIS CARD
IS A GENUINE AND AUTHORIZED
So please Treat Him Right
Genuine and authorized by The HOUSE of APOSTLES of ERIS
Every man, woman, and child on this Earth is a genuine and authorized Pope
Reproduce and distribute these cards freely P.O.E.E. Head Temple,
A POPE IS SOMEONE WHO IS NOT UNDER THE AUTHORITY OF THE AUTHORITIES
THOU ART WHOLE
FOR YOUR ENLIGHTENMENT
THE PARABLE OF THE BITTER TEA
Rev. Dr. Hypocrates Magown, P.P.
POEE PRIEST, Okinawa Cabal
When Hypoc was through meditating with St. Gulik,
he went there into the kitchen where he busied himself
with preparing the feast and in his endeavor, he found
that there was some old tea in a pan left standing
from the night before, when he had in his weakness
forgot about its making and had let it sit steeping
for 24 hours. It was dark and murky and it was
Hypoc's intention to use this old tea by diluting it
with water. And again in his weakness, chose without
further consideration and plunged into the physical
labor of the preparations. It was then when deeply
immersed in the pleasure of that trip, he had a sudden
loud clear voice in his head saying "it is bitter tea
that involves you so." Hypoc heard the voice, but
the struggle inside intensified, and the pattern,
previously established with the physical laboring and
the muscle messages coordinated and unified or per-
haps coded, continued to exert there influence and
Hypoc succummed to the pressure and he denied the
And again he plunged into the physical orgy and
completed the task, and Lo as the voice had predicted,
the tea was bitter.
"The Five Laws have root in awareness."
--Che Fung (Ezra Pound, Canto 85)
The Hell Law says that Hell is reserved exclus-
ively for them that believe in it. Further,
the lowest Rung in Hell is reserved for them
that believe in it on the suggestion that
they'll go there if they don't.
HBT; The Gospel According to Fred, 3:1
[Is the above serious or not?!!]
A SERMON ON ETHICS AND LOVE
One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint
Gulik to approach the Goddess aand request her pres-
ence for some desperate advice. Shorthly afterwards
the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female
Voice said YES?
"O! Eris ! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of
Chaos ! Daughter of Discord! Concubine of Confusion!
O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy
burden from my heart!"
WHAT BOTHERS YOU, MAL? YOU DON'T SOUND WELL
"I am filled with fear and tormented with ter-
rible visions of pain. Everywhere people are hurting
one another, the planet is rampant with injustices,
whole societies plunder groups of their own people,
mothers imprison sons, children perish while brothers
war. O, woe."
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT, IF IT IS WHAT YOU
WANT TO DO?
"But nobody wants it! Everybody hates it."
OH. WELL THEN STOP.
At which moment She turned Herself into an asp-
irin commercial and left the Polyfather stranded
alone with his species.
SINISTER DEXTER HAS A BROKEN SPIROMETER
CHAPTER 5: THE PIONEERS
THE FIVE APOSTLES OF ERIS & WHO THEY BE
1. Hung Mung
A Sage of Ancient China and Official Discordian
Missionary to the Heathen Chinee. He who originally
revised THE SACRED CHAO. Patron of the Season of
Chaos. Holyday: Jan 5.
2. Dr. Van Van Mojo
A Head Doctor of Deep Africa aand Maker of Fine Dolls.
D.H.V., Doctor of Hoodoo and Vexes, from The Greater
Metropolitan Yorba Linda Jesus Will Save Your Bod
Home Stude Bible School; F.I.H.G.W.P., Fellow of
the Intergalactic Haitian Guerrillas for World Peace.
Patron of the Season of
Discord. Holyday: Mar 19.
NOTE: Erisians of The
Laughing Christ sect are
of the silly contention
that Dr. Mojo is an
imposter and that PATAMUNZO
LINGANANDA is the True
Second Apostle. Lord Omar
claims that Dr. Omar heaps
hatred and curses upon
Pantamunzo, who sends only
Love Vibrations in return. But we of the POEE sect
know that Patamunzo is the Real Imposter, and that
those vibrations of his are actually an attempt to
subvert Dr. Mojo's rightful apostilic authority by
shaking him out of his wits.
3. SRI SYADASTI SYADAVAKTAVYA SYADASTI SYANNASTI
SYADASTI CAVAKTAVYASCA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVA-
TAVYASCA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVAKTAVYASCA
commonly called SRI SYADASTI
His name is Sanskrit, and means: All affirmations are
true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless
in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and
meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in
some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some
He is an Indian Pundit and Prince, born of the
Peyotl Tribe, son of Gentle Chief Sun Flower Seed and
the Squaw Merry Jane. Patron to the psychedelic type
Discordians. Patron of the Season of Confusion. Holyday:
May 31. Note: Sri Syadasti should not be confused
with BLESSED ST, GULIK THE STONED, who is not the
same person but is the same Apostle.
4. ZARATHUD THE INCORRIGIBLE, sometimes called
ZARATHUD THE STAUNCH
A hard nosed Hermit of Medieval Europe and Chaosphe
Bible Banger. Dubbed "Offender of The Faith." Dis-
covered the Five Commandments. Patron of the Season
of Bureaucracy. Holyday: Aug 12.
5. THE ELDER MALACLYPSE
A wandering Wiseman of Ancient Mediterrania ("Med-
Terra" or middle earth), who
followed a 5-pointed Star through
the alleys of Rome, Damascus,
Baghdad, Jerusalem, Mecca and
Cairo, bearing a sign that seemed
to read "DOOM". (This is a mis-
understanding. The sign actually
read "DUMB". Mal-1 is a Non-
Prophet.) Patron and namesake of
Mal-2. Patron on The Season of the Aftermath.
Holyday: Oct 24.
All statements are true in some sense,
false in some sense, meaningless in
some sense, true and false in some
sense, true and meaningless in some
sense, false and meaningless in some
sense, and true and false and
meaningless in some sense. A public
service clarification by the Sri Syadasti
School of Spiritual Wisdom, Wilmette.
The teachings of the Sri Syadasti School
of Spiritual Wisdom are true in some
sense, false in some sense, meaningless
in some sense, true and false in some
sense, true and meaningless in some
sense, false and meaningless in some
sense, and true and false and
meaningless in some sense. Patamunzo
Lingananda School of Higher Spiritual
HEY MAN...GREAT! I FEEL
GOOFY, THE WAY MY OLD
MAN LOOKS WHEN HE'S
THE HONEST BOOK OF TRUTH
being a BIBLE of the Erisian Movement
and How it was Revealed to
Episkopos LORD OMAR KHAYYAM RAVENHURST, KSC; Bull Goose
of Limbo; and Master Pastor of the Church Invisible of
the Laughing Christ, Hidden Temple of the Happy Jesus,
Laughing Buddha Jesus [LBJ] Ranch
From the Honest Book of Truth
THE BOOK OF EXPLANATIONS, Chapter 1
1. There came one day to Lord Omar, Bull Goose of Limbo, a Messenger of Our
Lady who told him of a sacred Mound wherein was buried an Honest Book.
2. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and dig the Truth,
that ye may come to know it and, knowing it, spread it and, spreading it,
wallow in it and, wallowing in it, lie in it and, lying in the Truth,
become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings--an Inspiration to all men
and a Scribe to the Gods.
3. So Omar went forth to the Sacred mound, which was to the East of Mullah,
and thereupon he worked digging in the sand for five days and five nights,
but found no Book.
4. At the end of five days and five nights of digging, it came to pass that
Omar was exhausted. So he put his shovel to one side and bedded himself
down on the sand, using as a pillow a Golden Chest he had uncovered on the
first day of his labors.
5. Omar slept.
6. On the fifth day of his sleeping, Lord Omar fell into a Trance, and
there came to him in the Trance a Dream, and there came to him in the Dream
a Messenger of the Lady who told him of a Sacred Grove wherein was hidden a
7. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and lift the Stash,
that ye may come to own it and, owning it, share it and, sharing it, love
in it and, loving in it, dwell in it and, dwelling in the Stash,become a
Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings--an Inspiration to all men
and a Scribe to the Gods.
8. But Omar lamented, saying unto the Angel: What is this s**t, man? What
care I for the Word and Sayings? What I care for the Inspiration of all
men? Wherein does it profit a man to be the Scribe to the Gods when the
Scribes of Governments do nothing, and are paid better wages?
9. And, lo, the Angel waxed in anger and Omar was stricken to the Ground
by an Invisible Hand and did not rise for five days and five nights.
10. And it came to pass that on the fifht night he drempt, and in his Dream
he had a vision, and in this Vision there came unto him a Messenger of Our
Lady who entrusted to him a Rigoletto cigar box containing many filing
cards, some of them in packs with rubber bands around, and upon these cards
were sometimes written verses, while upon others nothing was written.
11. Thereupon the Angel Commanded the Lord: Take ye This Honest Book of
Truth to thine bosom and cherish it. Carry it forth into The Land and Lay
it before Kings of Nations and Collectors of Garbage. Preach from it unto
the Righteous, that they may renounce their ways and repent.
DO NOT BEND
In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontented hunchbrain by
the name of Greyface, got it into his head that the
universe was as humorless as he, and he began to teach
that play was sinful because it contradicted the ways
of Serious Order. "Look at all the order about you,"
he said. And from that, he deluded honest men to
believe that reality was a straightjacket affair and
not the happy romance as men had known it.
It is not presently understood why men were so gul-
lible at that particular time, for absolutely no one
thought to observe all the disorder around them and
conclude just the opposite. But anyway, Greyface and
his followers took the game of playing at life more
seriously than they took like itself and were known
even to destroy other living beings whose ways of life
differed from their own.
The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has
since been suffering from a psychological and spirit-
ual imbalance. Imbalance causes frustration, and
frustration causes fear. And fear makes a bad trip.
Man has been on a bad trip for a long time now.
It is called THE CURSE OF GREY FACE
Bulls**t makes the flowers grow
and that's beautiful.
Climb into the Chao with a friend or two
And follow the Way it carries you,
Adrift like a Lunatic Lifeboat Crew
Over the Waves in whatever you do.
(HBT, The Book of Advice, 1:3)
MANDALA [picture of five sides mandala]
NO TWO ELEMENTS INTERLOCK
BUT ALL FIVE DO INTERLOCK
MEANWHILE, at the Chinese laundromat...
[picture of Apostle Hung Mung]
DOGMA I - METAPHYSICS #2, "COSMOLOGY"*
THE BOOK OF UTERUS
from The Honest Book of Truth
revealed to Lord Omar
1. Before the beginning was the Nonexistent Chao,
balanced in Oblivion by the Perfect Counterpushpull
of the Hodge and the Podge.
2. Whereupon, by an Act of Happenstance, the Hodge
began gradually to overpower the Podge -- and the
Primal Chaos thereby came to be.
3. So in the beginning was the Primal Chaos, balanced
on the Edge of Oblivion by the Perfect Counterpull-
push of the Podge and the Hodge.
4. Whereupon, by the Law of Negative Reversal,** the
Podge swiftly underpowered the Hodge and Everything
5. And therein emerged the Active Force of Discord,
the Subtle Manifestation of the Nonexistent Chao, to
guide Everything along the Path back to Oblivion -
that it might not be lost among Precepts of Order
in the Region of Thud.
6. Forasmuch as it was Active, the Force of Discord
entered the State of Confusion, wherein it copulated
with the Queen and begat ERIS, Our Lady of Discord
and Gross Manifestation of the Nonexistent Chao.
7. And under Eris Confusion became established, and
was hence called Bureaucracy; while over Bureaucracy
Eris became established, and was hence called
8. By the by it came to pass that the Establishment
of Bureaucracy perished in a paper shortage.
9. Thus it was, in accord with the Law of Laws.
10. During and after the Fall of the Establishment
of Bureaucracy was the Aftermath, an Age of Disorder
in which calculation, computations, and reckonings
were put away by the Chidren of Eris in Acceptance
and Preparation for Return to Oblivion to be followed
by a Repetition of the Universal Absurdity. Moreover,
of Itself the Coming of Aftermath waseth a Resurrec-
tion of the Freedom-flowing Chaos. HAIL ERIS!
11. Herein was set into motion the Eristic Pattern,
which would Repeat Itself Five Times Over Seventy-
three Times, after which nothing would happen.
* This doctrine should not be confused with DOGMA
III - HISTORY #6, "HISTORIC CYCLES," which states
that social progress occurs in five cycles, the
first three ("The Tricycle") of which are THESIS,
ANTITHESIS, and PARANTHESIS; and the last two ("The
Bicycle") of which are CONSTERNATION and MORAL
** The LAW OF NEGATIVE REVERSAL states that if
something does not happen then the exact opposite
will happen, only in exactly the opposite manner
from that in which it did not happen.
NOTE: It is from this text from The Book of Uterus,
that POEE has based its Erisian Calendar with the
year divided ^nto 5 Seasons of 73 days each. Each
of the Five Apostles of Eris has patronage over one
Season. A chart of the Seasons, Patrons, Days of
the Week, Holydays, and a perputual Gregorian con-
verter is included in this edition of Principia.
Dull but Sincere Filler
"And, behold, thusly was the Law formulated:
IMPOSITION of Order = escalation of Disorder!"
[H.B.T.; The Gospel According to Fred, 1:6]
THE FIVE ORDERS OF DISCORDIA ("THEM")
Gen. Pandaemonium, Commanding
The seeds of the ORDERS OF DISCORDIA were planted by
Greyface into his early disciples. They form the
skeleton of the Aneristic Movement, which over emph-
asizes the Principle of Order and is antagonistic to
the necessary compliment, the Principle of Disorder.
The Orders are composed of persons all hung up on
authority, security and control; i.e., they are blind-
ed by the Aneristic Illusion. They do not know that
they belong to the Orders of Discordia. But we know.
1. The Military Order of THE KNIGHTS OF THE FIVE
SIDED TEMPLE. This is for all of the soldiers and
bureaucrats of the world.
2. The Political Order of THE PARTY FOR WAR ON
EVIL. This is reserved for lawmakers, censors, and
3. The Academic Order of THE HEMLOCK FELLOWSHIP.
They commonly inhabit schools and universities, and
dominate many of them.
4. The Social Order of THE CITIZENS COMMITTEE
FOR CONCERNED CITIZENS. This is mostly a grass-roots
version of the more professional military, political,
academic and sacred Orders.
5. The Sacred Order of THE DEFAMATION LEAGUE.
Not much is known about the D.L., but they are very
ancient and quite possibly were founded by Greyface
himself. It is known that they now have absolute dom-
ination over all organized churches in the world. It
is also believed hat they have been costuming cabbages
and passing them off as human beings.
Don't let THEM immanentize the Eschaton.
A person belonging to one or more Order
is just as likely to carry a flag of the
counter-establishment as the flag of the
establishment--just as long as it is
GO TO YOUR LEFT-RIGHT...