(21) Fri 13 Jan 95 5:49p Rcvd: Fri 13 Jan 6:36p By: Jack Coffee, The Fountain BBS (1:3800/

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(21) Fri 13 Jan 95 5:49p Rcvd: Fri 13 Jan 6:36p By: Jack Coffee, The Fountain BBS (1:3800/13) To: Alan Jennings Re: @1:3800/6 St: Pvt Rcvd ------------------------------------------------------------ Alan: Here's a little something you might enjoy reading. It's quoted from the Wall Street Journal, Thursday, Jan. 12, 1995 edition. Heaven Help Us John F. Brumfeld, a lawyer in Urbana, Ill., has contemplated what would happen to school prayer after it was filtered through the apparatus of politically correct educrats. He imagines that the PC brigade might come up with something like the following memo: From: School Superintendent P.C. Barnum To: All Staff and Educators Re: Proposed School Prayer As you know, our public school system's great success in implementing sex education and promoting strong family values and a moral code in our students has caused Congress to add school prayer to our mandate. The faculty grievance committee has taken time out from a busy schedule to draft the attached prayer for us. They did such a fine job with the school motto ("OK, slowly put your hands over your head") that it seemed only fair to give them the job. I think you will find that the obvious deficiencies of the Lord's Prayer have been corrected. We are all still a little gun-shy after our "Moment of Silence" experience last year, but with a little cooperation we can make this work. For purposes of the federal regulation, the prayer "works" if there is a statistically significant decrease in the casualty rate during the period the prayer is actually recited. For that reason, it is of the utmost importance that the prayer be conducted immediately after the frisking and only on days when the metal detectors are operational. Directive to all students This "prayer" is promulgated by our public school district as part of its ongoing effort to alert students to the fact that some people believe it is possible that God exists and to the further possibility that he, she, it or they may be desirous of communication from you. This should not be construed as an implication that God is of any particular race, sex or creed. The following prayer should be memorized, or at least written on the palm of your hand. Prayer Oh great, but not necessarily superior, being who dwells beyond this plane of existence and who is accessible only through prayer, meditation or crystals, we salute you without thereby acknowledging that you are entitled to greater respect that that accorded any other endangered species. We hope to pass through your plane of existence at some point on your psychic journey to the same exalted states as marine mammals or even snail darters. Moreover, to the extent your design for the universe coincides with the U.S. Constitution and includes low-cost access to cable, we ask you to provide us our minimum daily requirement of essential vitamins and nutrients consistent with FDA guidelines, and when judging us be duly mindful of our status as victim, which provides full justification for what might appear on superficial examination to be felonious. In the same vein, we will endeavor to excuse and forgive those who have transgressed against us, with the possible exception of our parents, teachers, policemen and clergy about whom we have just resurrected disturbing memories. We ask all of this in the name of your prophet ___________, [Here on alternating weeks substitute names drawn from the consensus of the class. Some suggestions for early in the year: L. Ron Hubbard, Ayatollah Khomeni, Patricia Ireland, Mike Wallace.] This school disclaims any and all warranties of fitness for any particular purpose and will not be responsible for personal injury or death that may result from reliance on this prayer. ... Purpose is but the slave to memory. -Hamlet III ii 198 ___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12

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